Winners and Losers

Since my last blog post I've had a bit of an epiphany. I vaguely remember writing about something to do with nice guys more or less finishing last so I decided to partake in a little experiment. The results pissed me off to no extent. The observation involved myself reverting from being myself (odd, eh?) and moreover to the point of jerk-itude (a dirty word for perverts out there). In layman’s terms, I was an asshole and for some reason many of the XX chromosomes out there loved it. The study resulted in the acquisition of seven phone numbers out of eight attempts.

Disgusting.

The transition, mind you, was painful. Very painful. To a certain extent – I just stopped caring (and I’m having a hard time getting back). Many who read this don’t know me so they’re going to have a hard time figuring out just how much of a change this was – but those who do are shaking their heads right now. Sorry – had to try it out. None the less, it worked and efficiently at that. It was more or less like finding the right bait in fishing – the same technique applied over and over with success looming after every salmon.

Seven out of eight... damn. That’s like 7-8 women enjoy being treated like shit while the one who showed no interest either does care or already has a boyfriend/husband/fiancé that treats them like shit and is not looking for an upgrade/downgrade (depends how you look at it). The shitty thing is I see the traits in many of my female friends. They’re salmon for chriss’ sakes.

One needs to keep in mind that the majority of those numbers were from the type of girl that we date now, rather than... well you know. I’m really hoping that it comes down to intelligence differing from person to person.

It seems that I’m not really a salmon man. I can get idiot after idiot but I’m not happy and I thought that I would be (although that was mainly because I thought I lost my game). But you don’t bring salmon home to your mother, no sir, you do not. Swordfish or bigger.

I’m content now. No longer who I was and to me – that’s a good thing. It’s time for some big-sea fishing but I’m patient now – something I credit partially to one person

“I’d rather sit by my line and wait, than cast a net over the sea.” - Melinda

The Nice Guy and the Self-Abusive Woman

I’m willing to bet that at least 75% of the women who need this enjoy being abused. Now as ludicrous as an opening sentence as that is, hear me out before you sharpen those pitchforks. Many a man has wondered about the very intricacies of the female mind, but can it really be that much more complicated than our own? The very question: ‘What do women want?’ is thrown around more often than a drunk girl at a frat party. I have many female friends... a little disconcerting but nonetheless they provide an excellent insight into what the fairer sex wants. As of right now I’ve asked about 15 women on my msn what they look for in a guy; five commonalities among their opinion include the following:

- A nice personality
- A good listener
- More intelligence than your average squirrel
- ‘clean, motivated and respectful’ (Thank you my dear, Kayla) =)
- The potential ‘family man’

Now either you’re all synchronized like watches or you actually believe this stuff. Key among the notes are that only 2 or the 15 women mentioned looks; surprised the hell out of me to be honest with you. The scary fact is that I know most of the women that I asked very well; they are decent people but almost all of them have a similar flaw. Although all could identify what they wanted, they wouldn’t notice the man if he’s been in there life forever. How is it that women can keep going for the thug-life, rocker-esque, and stereotypical dumbasses, be abused frequently and bitch about it? $20 bucks says that 90%+ of the women I ask have a guy that fits their description but are vehemently ruled out when they’re on this search for ‘that person’.

So it comes down to two things: either the women I know are all liars in one way or another (seriously doubt it) or your wants turn to mush when a guy calls you his woman/bitch/etc. The days of the nice guy are over before they’ve even begun. I’m not mad, I’ve accepted this for a while now but it doesn’t mean other people have. More than half of the women in this article would rather bitch to their friends about how much their interest pisses them off than actually take the time to look around them. A significant amount of that time it’s usually a guy their bitching to as well. He’s either very gay or very patient >.<. It’s not complicated, hell it’s not hard either, it’s simple logic.

I've got nothing against any of you who fall into this category - I just question your way of thinking.

Oh and to the 25% out there actually interested in a guy like this, we’re available at your nearest specialty store but act now because we are running out fast! Currently in stock are the following:

- The guy who will stay up late with you no matter how out of it he is
- The guy whose lone goal is to keep that smile on your face
- The guy who would rather have you happy – even if it’s not with him

And to the Nice Guys, I reccomend flying south for the winter, it's either that or turn into another douche.

Thank you for the input of everyone who helped me on this article!

Oh! And Lost is on in 10 days!